Prelude to the New Moon in Aries, Aquarius Moon

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Aquarius Moon

The feeling that all the impassioned choices you’ve made,
could have been otherwise.
The flip side of the coin just tossing in the air.

Life being short and so particular,
you wore that sweater with blue stripes the day you met him,
you dropped out and moved to the city,
or no, you stayed in school

There are only so many days to take up smoking,
to never have really wanted to,
it became so important to learn piano, you sold your car,
and then later bought a car and sold your piano.

Certain that you loved her, and it ran out like water from a glass.
Shaking the upside-down cup, isn’t there more? isn’t there more?

Running as a child, convinced new shoes make you go faster.
Watch Me! Watch Me!

That old trope people bring out to comfort a failing marriage,
but then you wouldn’t have your children, I always think
-I would have other unimaginable children.
I would love them deeply and wholly, just as I love these.

When your mother died, maybe it was better you weren’t with her,
or is that the only regret in a lifetime of sacrifice,
that the last possible gift was impossible to give?

How do we learn to listen as the world takes it’s revenge by tipping,
by tilting our lives so we slide like glasses on a table?
Should it seem quaint, that you’ve spent a mild eternity as a butter dish wedged against a crystal goblet?
Oh watch, the earth is sliding, the tablecloth begins to wrinkle, what’s that looming on the horizon, a salt cellar or an outlawed ashtray?


Love YOU!!!

XoX

p.s.
~The koan has the flavor of something that can be resolved by the intellect, but it cannot. So it keeps the intellect busy while something else happens. Then the real change occurs. – Daesetz Suzuki~

Love YOU!!!

XoX

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8 Responses to Prelude to the New Moon in Aries, Aquarius Moon

  1. Carolyn says:

    Beautiful! Thank you~

  2. Lee says:

    I don’t understand this post… :”’(

    • o_lightning says:

      Hey Lee,

      I happy you wrote. What can I say? I can be a little abstract. I’m bound to post something more concrete soon. xo

      • Lee says:

        It’s this part… “How do we learn to listen as the world takes it’s revenge by tipping,
        by tilting our lives so we slide like glasses on a table?
        Should it seem quaint, that you’ve spent a mild eternity as a butter dish wedged against a crystal goblet?
        Oh watch, the earth is sliding, the tablecloth begins to wrinkle, what’s that looming on the horizon, a salt cellar or an outlawed ashtray?” It sounds already too much like I may expect an unwelcome surprise…

  3. o_lightning says:

    Hey Lee,

    That’s it exactly. From whatever strange position we find ourselves in, surprises all around!

  4. Sabina says:

    That particular bit reminded me of a friend’s story of having managed to accidentally (!) touch a running drillbit onto a kitchen table – whereupon the ceilingsky became a whirling cloth tornado of salt and pepper shakers and cutlery and ketchup. Sounds like a wonderful mess but glad I didn’t have to clean it up….
    Unbeknownst to us chillens our mother was dying a painful death for months and by the time we were informed, it was too late. But, you see, we knew she never would have wanted us there, and she managed to elude even our father. Another mess to clean up. It was strange and lonely her leaving of a sudden like that but it was her death. There’s some famous man’s saying about the cost of acknowledging other people’s freedom. Yep, unhuh.
    The older I get, the less I beat my donkey. Just imagine if I really saw myself as a donkey, I would never beat me, but stroke and pat me, and lure me home with carrots and sweet words.

    • o_lightning says:

      Hey Sabina,

      Thanks for this. People’s deaths are so their own. Among my father’s last spoken words was the sentence “I’m not dying.”I think there is a Marquez story or line in a story about crafting your own death. I remember the first time I gave birth wishing I could do it under a rock or something. It seemed so private.
      I love the image of you being kind to yourself as an imaginary donkey.<3
      I LOVE donkeys! Once upon a time I had two! Man were they ever cute!
      I think this next month is a particularly good time to be loving and generous to ourselves. Thanks again for writing!! xox

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