Busy Morning! That’s the Gemini.
I did get my Mercury /Pluto/Chiron realization. Right on target,
and in time for the Scorpio Moon.
My childhood is rich territory,
and we could easily mine it for Saturn, Neptune, or Uranian insight,
just today, let’s look at power imbalance and response.
Let’s work with Pluto.
The time, the place, the way I grew like a weed in a parking lot,
was in a sense, corrupt.
In my world you could not get something, for nothing.
An advantage was needed.
What could be taken, was taken.
AND in the family hierarchy there was somehow, always, inevitably,
and without fail,
a reason you OWE, and are thus owned.
it was occasionally verbalized, could be shocking and dramatic,
but most of the damage flowed like a moderate stream,
in consistent small exchanges.
When abuse of power is normalcy, it can be insidious, and surprisingly subtle.
What I knew about power, was power OVER me,
and in turn, my power not to care.
To become impenetrable, rather like an alien force of nature.
And ultimately, importantly, the power to leave.
On the scale of things, I don’t have EPIC Pluto,
my placements are relatively mild,
but I did have something to recover from, and absolutely, something to learn.
I have always been a lover. I am a Venus ruled creature,
and I have Neptune for days… But to trust someone not to harm me?
It was never going to happen.
My relationships looked beautiful.
They looked beautiful on the outside.
Intimacy. What is it? and how, how to trust and be trusted?
My version of being well treated involved passive, rather than active contempt.
and the contempt was key, because it provided the distance
So what happened?
People say that children teach you about love,
because they love so readily, unconditionally
…although, they are watching and learning all the while…
It wasn’t that.
Instead it was the experience of being able to do harm and not doing so.
It was by being in situations, where abuse of power is possible,
and seeing SO CLEARLY, you have no idea how terrifyingly clearly,
what could be enacted,
it was only by living out those situations repeatedly
AND by repeatedly not abusing my power,
that I learned how to actively love.
Practice that’s all.
Saturn and Pluto
Again and again.
To develop a profound relationship with YOURSELF,
darkness included that embraces self control.
I watched myself be fair, even when I knew I could be otherwise: Evidence.
Now why, you may ask, would I want to abuse my power?
Why would I want to hurt anyone?
I didn’t want to!
Want had nothing to do with it.
It is just what I had learned that people do.
They see an advantage, and take it.
Damage was what people did.
I had been taught, that people will show you who they are right away,
and that you can trust them to be like that.
This is perfectly true, btw.
But I never imagined that you could have a relationship with someone,
who would not, on some base level,
harm you when, and where they could, casually and fundamentally.
You can imagine the disadvantages, and confusions,
not knowing this subjected me to!
By being trustworthy I learned (Chiron) that it is possible, possible to trust.
Saturn, Chiron, and Pluto are the Heroes in this Story!
That’s rare enough in astrology writing, (though not in astrology as we live it!) as to be almost unheard of!
I’ve had to practice (Saturn) good power dynamics, (Pluto)
Until the boundaries (Saturn) became a part of my deep internal landscape (Pluto)
I had to define my integrity (Chiron), and live it day to day.
with Saturn and Pluto in Mutual Reception, it’s something to think about…
Dark Family Dynamics,
Happy Scorpio Moon!
Tomorrow, we bounce back and move on!
Did Mercury /Pluto/Chiron teach you anything recently?
What did you learn about your family, and about how you love?