Neptunian Death Wish and the Inverted Ego


This post is for the Neptunian Starlets,
Pisces, a certain stripe of Virgo, anyone with a heavy 12th house,
Angular or active Neptune signatures, Classic Venus-Neptune, Venus in the 12th,
and the Venus-Saturn’s, a roughly placed Virgo Venus,
Some Cappy Moons, a difficult Chiron combo,
Those of you who had to work for your love,like you would sing for your supper.
Those of you who have had to PAY.

Oh, there are other stripes of Neptuners…
and Venus/Saturn configurations…
…there are special flowers who never try for fear of failure…
there are folks looking for the perfect mate… shhhhh… they are scared of people,
themselves most of all!

…there are Plutonians with their appetites for Absolute Intensity…
…Jupiter and Uranian Freedom Freaks, who love Frying Pans and Fire!
Desperate Measures Control Mongers of various calibrations…
You can have a multiple diagnosis, I personally, am filed under more than one category!

We will get to some of these over time…

For true, this post goes out to those who form relationships with people
who have ~BIG PROBLEMS~
if it pertains to you, you will know…


Prominent Neptune creates lack of boundaries.
It collapses the space between me and you.

When you love someone with Massive Problems what you get
is the fulfillment of a deeply held Death Wish
and a simultaneous Ego Boost. Oh Yes.


Who has problems?

they do.

What are you going to do?

help them out.

Who is sick ?

they are

What are you doing with your life?


Who is healthy?

well naturally someone as modest as I am wouldn’t want to say…
but in comparison… why, I’m not doing too badly…

Death Wish?
As anyone who has played this game knows,
when you love someone severely damaged, you have no life.


Now, In defense of Neptunian Starlets,
Likely you have been schooled in this art by a parent type.
There are REASONS you feel you must sacrifice,
REASONS you don’t want to be seen.
(completely valid! this was the art of defense!)

To those who have been promised love,
if they just give up every shred of themselves, there is hardly anything more you need to say.
Did someone say love? At some point I will receive love?

I’m in. I thought it would never happen.
Someone is going to love me.

Self? What self?
When you have been allowed none,
the self can be surprisingly hard to find.

And there is no one who casts a romantic spell, like “The Damaged”

Wherever do they find those Hearts of Pure Gold that they take out once yearly, to love you with?
Yes, little old (Venus-Saturn) you,
and all you have to do is give them every drop of your blood,
which you weren’t planning on using anyway

Because, really, they NEED IT. They truly need it, and you?

~Why, you are made of Air and Magic, and need nothing,
nothing at all~

it’s just, it does get lonesome sometimes in prison,
and I swear a year has gone by since I last glimpsed that golden heart,
and there was, surely there was… Once upon a time,
something I wanted…


At what juncture do you seek ownership of your life?
It’s yours and even if you can’t see it, someone else can!
and this is part of the paradox:
You do have to care for others, you were made for it!
A natural healer.
On the real, freedom lies in accepting your call to service.
(just never mix biz with pleasure)

Is the tipping point when you, flawed as you may be,
are more valuable than ANYTHING,
Any Dream, that anyone could give you?

Your individual consciousness which has been with you all along,
your spark meets air at some point along the journey,
and the fire in your belly begins to grow…

You want to be seen. Yeah you do.
even if you are not pretty, even if it seems you have so very very far to go.
You deserve to be loved. Actually loved.
At some point this is no longer a mumbled platitude, but a simple fact
like “Some clouds are pretty.” Some clouds are pretty, some summer days are hazy, I deserve to be seen and loved. Oh it is still easy to feel like you don’t exist,
but it’s a trick, like blinking, sure it goes dark when you close your eyes, but when you open them, voilà: you can see.

It may take work (Saturn) to bring this to fruition,
but it’s possible, yes it’s possible, for you to live your own real life.


There are Fantastic, Good, and Beautiful uses of
Neptune and Venus-Saturn Energy
We know this.
Transcendence, Faith, Independence, Beautiful Work,
Sincerity, Value, Trust, Dedication.

I know, that you know, that I know, that you know, that I know,
that you know, what I mean.

We are ALL too young to die, and we’ve got work to do!

Love YOU!!!!


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15 Responses to Neptunian Death Wish and the Inverted Ego

  1. Louise says:


  2. Tam says:

    Excellent, truly

  3. o_lightning says:

    Hey Louise,
    Hey Tam,

    Thank You Both! <3

  4. Stephanie says:

    This is me. I totally own this. Trying to get a life…

  5. esther says:

    So beautiful, so on point, hitting a nerve. Thank you <3 I've done this, and am moving in the other direction, argh finding my own life, daunting and much truer.

    [1st house Saturn+Neptune squared Sun+Venus, and chiron on the descendant in Cancer. I get it 🙂

  6. o_lightning says:

    Hey esther,
    You are welcome. Thanks for writing! It is scary to move away from what you have known, but so So worth it! I’m really happy to hear you are aligning yourself with yourself! lol. xoxxo

  7. Charlotte says:

    Whoops! I didn’t want my full name there. Can that be changed. Or just please don’t post the comment :/ My neptune-mercury forever in action.

    • o_lightning says:

      Hi Charlotte,
      I can’t change how your name reads, so I won’t post the comment. I did read it, and I hear you loud and clear. Recognition is always a good step. Bringing thoughts to light. Much love, xox

      • Charlotte says:

        🙂 I’m doing some new moon prep and I happened to find your post from March! I’ve been going through old journal entries between jan 23 and feb 12 and I really was writing about the same things back then. “The people I attract are my 8th house nn destiny. Even if my worldview won’t allow me to see their irredeemable, venomous nature, I have to stay aware to survive.” Right after that I included Pluto and prayed for light to enter an enemies soul. I prayed that he would release his darkness. Apparently in the post I actually saw him fill with light.

        Actually around March I started a venus-saturn journey out of the neptune haze. I just started another venus-saturn-pluto journey so this must be the completion from March in action.

        I can’t fully describe how awesome your site is. Other sites may provide similar astro highlights but you have so many glittering insights and a poetic voice that tells a story I would have missed if you hadn’t mentioned it.

        So much love and appreciation to you!

        • o_lightning says:

          Hey Charlotte,

          Nice to hear from you! So interesting when things line up like that. We all have to “… stay aware to survive” So true!!
          Thanks for the lovely compliments! I’m so happy you enjoy the site! Would it be alright to quote from you, on ~The things you Say!~ page? No worries either way. Much love, xox

  8. I just came across this again and you nailed it perfectly Omie 🙂 beautifully written. And it made me laugh with how true it was for me.
    “Self? What self?…
    ~Why, you are made of Air and Magic, and need nothing,
    nothing at all~”. !
    But of course.

    Embracing the tipping point xx and my needs and desires to be loved. By myself as much as anyone else.

    • o_lightning says:

      Hey quietelectric,

      Thanks for writing! I’m so happy to hear you are engaging with your life in this way! GO YOU!!! <3 xoxox

  9. Madeleine says:

    I am completely gobsmacked! Just sitting here…blinking…in utter amazement. You are fantastic! I don’t know much about Astrology, but the truth bells are ringing loud and clear. Relieved to report I am in the process of creating ‘my own’ and staking my claim – but it is a process. And I’m holding space for others to disrobe, be seen and step into their magic 😉

    • o_lightning says:

      Hey Madeleine,

      Thank you, I’m so happy you wrote! Good work taking ownership of your life. So Beautiful!! <3!!!!! xo

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