We all want to see what’s coming, what’s next.
from a tree, from a branch, from a limb,
hanging our heads out the window like dogs in a speeding car.
Off to the beach and we can’t get there too soon.
An ecstasy of expectation, as if expectation is the only ecstasy we will know,
maybe it is.
Is expectation the only countable kind of bliss? Never arriving, always around the corner, if only. You can’t corral feeling, these days may be numbered, but they will not be counted. Not until death relieves you of the voice to to count.
Ecstasy experienced is so invisible as to be barely remembered, our heartless biology making more out of trauma than joy.
The wide open joy that you know you have felt, why can’t you recall it the way you can recall your last upset or the fear of the future that causes that endless vigilance and revisioning ?
Or can you? Can you feel it? That wild thread, like a wind, passing through. Heat, the strength of the sun that tells you you are alive
What happens next?
The conundrum of time speeding away,
as we arrange to live, to breathe by these means, and under these lights.
don’t give up, don’t give up
~ You have to plan and you can’t control anything.~
Such advise as you are given, blinking your way through the clutter of existence, all of it true. Therefore like any truth, impossible to follow. A fork to every branch. An inexplicable situation for every adage, and we may encounter them all, one day, or one of many days, no doubt, no doubt.
For our New Moon on the 7th of April,
the Sun and Moon conjunct Uranus, while trining Saturn, Squaring Pluto, and in an inconjunct position to the North Node.
Talk about a big radical commitment!
Not incidental, not fleeting, instead, a change with lasting ramifications.
One of those moments where the world seems to crystallize and shatter, then reform and pivot.
Mercury in Taurus will not be the fastest processor of the incoming information,
Nor will she have the subtlety to spin what she knows.
Time. Time is a factor and what saves us if anything does.
Can she hold her tongue is she has to?
That she can. Or she can speak, plan as daybreak.
Mercury looks to Venus in Aries and asks,
~ Where is the new value/money/love coming from?! ~
~ What has become the bottom line ?~
Venus in Aries is a hungry goddess. Yes, she does have something to prove, to herself; a love of the chase, of heat, headstrong, vitality, straightforward joy in pleasure.
Sagittarius Mars squares Neptune AND Jupiter
As in big and delusional? Or as in inspired action?
~ This thing should come with a warning label!~
For the Lunation, Aries Venus leans in to trine Sagittarius Mars,
Set your dreams in motion? Sure, but it’s not a good day to buy an actual car…
umm… unless maybe it’s your dream car… Check the ethics on your speedometer?!
even then, NEPTUNE, people, NEPTUNE!
That our Lights conjunct Uranus and square to Pluto assure us of some world event resonance.
We will see this moment writ large one way or another.
Given our Mutable t-square is Mars/Saturn, Neptune, Jupiter
Someone is going to fumble a pass, or make the play of a lifetime.
There is pressure, opportunity, loss,
& without faith we may be immobilized.
So have Faith.
If not Faith, then animal strength will help you continue on regardless of cost.
Physical courage, a will to live.
Keep Breathing through the potentially shocking events of April 6th through the 11th.
Commit to a new course of action. Change and then change again.
Here we Go!
But start slowly, because direction is more important than speed.
Sit in another chair, on the other side of the table.
Later on, change tables.
When you go out, try to walk on the other side of the street. Then change your route, walk calmly down other streets, observing closely the places you pass by.
Take other buses. Change your wardrobe for a while; give away your old shoes and try to walk barefoot for a few days – even if only at home.
Take off a whole afternoon to stroll about freely, listening to the birds or the noise of the cars.
Open and shut the drawers and doors with your left hand.
Sleep on the other side of the bed. Then try sleeping in other beds.
Watch other TV programs, read other books, live other romances – even if only in your imagination.
Sleep until later. Go to bed earlier.
Learn a new word a day.
Eat a little less, eat a little more, eat differently; choose new seasonings, new colors,
things you have never dared to experiment.
Lunch in other places, go to other restaurants, order another kind of drink
and buy bread at another bakery.
Lunch earlier, have dinner later, or vice-versa.
Try something new every day: a new side, a new method, a new flavor,
a new way, a new pleasure, a new position.
Pick another market, another make of soap, another toothpaste.
Take a bath at different times of the day.
Use pens with different colors.
Go and visit other places.
Love more and more and in different ways. Even when you think that the other will be frightened, suggest what you have always dreamed about doing when you make love.
Change your bag, your wallet, your suitcases, buy new glasses, write other poems.
Open an account in another bank, go to other cinemas, other hairdressers,
other theaters, visit new museums.
Change. And think seriously of finding another job, another activity,
work that is more like what you expect from life, more dignified, more human.
If you cannot find reasons to be free, invent them: be creative.
And grab the chance to take a long, enjoyable trip – preferably without any destination.
Try new things. Change again. Make another change. Experiment something else.
You will certainly know better things and worse things than those you already know, but that does not matter. What matters most is change, movement, dynamism, energy.
Only what is dead does not change – and you are alive.
– Clarice Lispector ~ via Whiskey River
and another one, for the pause that shows we are changed, by one of my all time favorite poets Tomas Tranströmer.
~ Icelandic Hurricane
No earth tremor, but a skyquake. Turner could have painted it, secured by ropes. A single mitten whirled past right now, several miles from its hand. Facing the storm I am heading for that house on the other side of the field. I flutter in the hurricane. I am being x-rayed, my skeleton hands in its application for discharge. Panic grows while I tack about, I am wrecked, I am wrecked and drown on dry land! How heavy it is, all that I suddenly have to carry, how heavy it is for the butterfly to tow a barge! There at last. A final bout of wrestling with the door. And now inside. Behind the huge window-pane. What a strange and magnificent invention glass is – to be close without being stricken . . . Outside a horde of transparent splinters of gigantic shapes rush across the lava plain. But I flutter no more. I sit behind the glass, still, my own portrait.
– Tomas Tranströmer ~
The Blue House
translated by Göran Malmqvist