Dark of the Moon. From innocence to experience.
Everyone tries to be innocent. I didn’t do it. I didn’t mean it. I had no idea. I don’t remember. She doesn’t know what she is talking about, she always says that. He’s drunk, or drinking. He is sick of listening.
Could we all be innocent?
This morning as I lay in bed, it was about 5:30 am, I didn’t want to be awake,
I lay in bed, and I tried to do an exercise that I had read about on the internet. You imagine times when you have been purely happy. Happy without a single dust mote of anxiety to cloud your feelings. Just the happiness, and then you dwell in that space.
As I brought myself back, back in time, I could always encounter more than one feeling. More than one awareness was brought in to the experience. Was it retro-active? Was I now superimposing emotions and consciousness that I had never felt at the time? Am I incapable of pure feeling? Am I so clouded, so torn?
It’s as though I had hidden the real ones, the good ones, the moments of pure boundless emotion, under a deep well, beneath a tall mountain, ringed by a fiery furnace of such heat and astonishing ferocity that very few, and certainly not the one who stoked the fire to begin with, was going to be able to enter with a simple, “May I come in and poke about for fun?” Those feelings, those pure feelings of joy, so primal as to be almost beyond a coloring like happiness or sadness, pure emotion occupying it’s own place, as a strong river simply rushes, destroying some and delighting others. I know for true, as I write this, that those pure feelings would cause such heartbreak if I were to feel them now, in light of all that has happened since the day of their conception.
Yet there they float, light as an astronaut’s lunch, light as the shape of all thoughts, bodiless, a protective haze, if I climb inside, the bubble pops; I know what I have lost.
Oh don’t I already know?!
Feelings. We know the fire is hot because we feel it.
From innocence to experience. Venus in Virgo chooses innocence.
Moon in Libra concurs.
If only Mercury in Scorpio would stop breathing hot breath down her decollete.
If only Saturn in Scorpio would stop muttering “Never again, never again.”
If only Mars in Sagittarius would stop stumbling into you with a hard on like a sword and an innocent grin.
Neptune in Pisces… ? all of the above.
That’s the weekend. It will play out and so will you.
Take deep thoughts and hold them lightly. Let them breathe into you.
From innocence to experience.